Kitty老师对大作文中常见问题分析

学生的大作文中有很多语法问题

这里不再重点讲述

本次讲解以大作文的逻辑和论证为主

下面是某位同学

两篇文章的题目和主体段中我方理由部分

E.g. 1.

People who like to read develop better imagination and language skills than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are two main reasons for my opinion. For one thing, watching TV can help people to enhance their memory. This is because the pictures and the sounds will make the scene more impressive. For example, when people keep on watch a set of TV series, they will be familar with the plots. As a result, they will identity which the story is as long as they hear the background song.

For another, the televition can cultivat them to fix on one thing that they need to deal with. The reasons is that the televition can provide all sorts of programes. They can choose anyone which they are interested in particularly. As a result, they will not be seduced by other things. Obviously, watching TV can also enriches peoples daily life.

E.g. 2

The most important thing of people's life is his or her work. Without a satisfying career, the life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are two main reasons for my opinion. For one thing, they can not support the outcome of their families without job. This is due to the fact that all sorts of households are costly. For example, children’s education is expensive, which makes them have to work hard to earn money to pay for it.

For another, they will not be able to keep up with their peers. The reason is that the modern society is full of competition. Everyone are eager to be successful so that they can improve the quality of their life. If they regardless of this phenomenon, they will be abandoned by the development of the society.

问题分析

1. 偏题

E.g.1 中，题目中明确提出有两个关键词“imagination”“language skills”, 学生在主体段中并没有体现出来，而是写了“memory”“fix on”, 即“记忆力”“专注”。

2. 中心句不够概括

E.g.1 中，主体段第二段的中心句是“电视可以培养人的专注力”，然而，这段中不仅讲了专注力，还讲了“看电视可以丰富人们的生活”。

针对这个问题，应该把最后一句话删除，换成“Therefore, people are absorbed in the programs on TV.”

E.g.2中，主体段第二段的中心句不够高度概括，没有体现出工作的重要性。

工作中的成功可以给人带来成就感。

For another, the success in work can bring a sense of achievement to people.

3. 论证不够具体

E.g.1 中，主体段第二段的中心句是“电视可以培养人的专注力”，然而，之后的论证（第2-4句）不够具体，很多复数名词没有具体。

针对这个问题，学生可以增加一些细节，或者举个例子：

原因论证：电视节目有很多丰富的形式，比如音乐，图片，解说等，以及话题，比如历史，地理，时尚等。观众往往被这些东西吸引，并且花很长时间看而忽略

There are plenty of forms of TV programs, such as music, pictures and explanation, and topics, such as history, geography and fashion. Audiences are always attracted and spend a lot of time watching TV programs.

举例论证：小孩子很喜欢看动画片，他们会很专注于此，有些甚至会忘记吃饭。

For instance, children are fond of cartoons and always concentrate on their beloved cartoon series after school, some of whom even do not want to have dinner.

E.g. 2 中， 主体段第二段论证没有提到work的好处不够明显。

工作中的成功可以给人带来成就感。因为努力工作的人，在心理上会对自己的付出表示肯定。并且也会得到物质的奖励，比如升职或加薪。心理和物质上的肯定使得人们更有自信。

For another, the success in work can bring a sense of achievement to people. This is because those who work hard are satisfied with their own performance and get material rewards, such as getting promoted and higher salaries. As a result, mental and physical achievement can make people more confident.

4. 中心句并不能证明观点

E.g.1 中，很明显，如果要论证看电视的好处，“专注”不是一个很有说服力的理由。当然之前讲过这位学生偏题了，她可以从想象力和语言技巧中的任何一点来替换这个点。 比如：

看电视可以培养人的语言技巧，因为很多电视节目，比如访谈节目，新闻，电视连续剧等，都会涉及人与人之间的沟通。人们可以学习如何与别人讨论他们的工作，生活和学习。

For another, watching programs on TV can cultivate people’s language skills. This is because many of them, such as interviews, news report and TV series, include the communication between different people. Audiences can learn how to talk with others about their life, work and study.

5. 主体段两点内容重复

E.g.2 中，主体段的两点内容重复，虽然中心句不一样，但是论证中两点都涉及到了生活质量，因此本质上一致。 第二点应该是侧重事业上的成功可以给人带来成就感。